My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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