Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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