So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
