Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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