look no pants
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
