I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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