Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
