bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
