I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
