hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
