It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
