I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
