you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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