Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The best revenge is premature balding
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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