the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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