not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
