You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
