Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
