I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
