I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
