remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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