ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
