i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
