so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
