Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He told me they were just razor bumps!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize