i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
