Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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