So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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