you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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