I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
