I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
