Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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