I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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