Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I will pee on everything he values.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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