you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
