I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize