he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
