Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize