Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
