I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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