I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i now understand why vodka
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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