Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
