Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
