nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
the raccoons are back...
Randomize