Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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