so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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