I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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