I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
