woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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