I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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