I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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