glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
