I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize