We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
