Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
