just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
