I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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