he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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