he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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