I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
