did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
