shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
