So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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