Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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