I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
