He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
