I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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