I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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