me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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