There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize