Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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