Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
