You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
