just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
