you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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