Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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