Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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